On November 29th, I moved to the vicinity of the internship company, which took almost a whole day. I was supposed to write down some thoughts about this period of time that day. But moving was really exhausting. And something happened on the way that I didn't want to recall. Today is Friday, and I have experienced the atmosphere of development for four days. Lying in bed, I feel the need to record it. Although the process of reminiscing is painful.
Departure#
I rented a shared Changcheng car from LianDongYun at 8 o'clock in the morning. The condition of the car is good, and it drives compactly. Driving alone without the nagging of family members can be a bit wild, but I still have a bottom line in everything I do. So no matter how wild I drive, I will still ensure my basic safety and avoid unnecessary accidents.
On weekends in Hangzhou, there are really a lot of cars on the elevated road. I don't know what the traffic is like on weekdays, but on Sundays, I feel like I was stuck on the elevated road for a long time, and it's faster to go downstairs. I have seen on V2EX before that some people in Hangzhou would rather take a detour to work than take the elevated road. Maybe this is what it's like in a big city. I hope the subway in Hangzhou can be completed soon, which will make transportation much more convenient.
On the Road#
During the traffic jam, I encountered two rear-end collisions, one of which happened right next to me. I'm not sure how many cars were involved, but I heard a loud crash. If I were in that lane, I might have been the unlucky one. After all, it's a shared car, and it would be troublesome to have an accident. There was another collision that had already happened, causing a long traffic jam on the elevated road. Four cars were involved, but everyone should be fine. Overall, I'm grateful that my father used to nag me constantly, teaching me those basic but useful driving skills.
During the traffic jam, I was looking forward to my life after work, but I also thought about things at home and couldn't help but vent my emotions from the past two months. I cried in the car. In the past, when I was in school, my nose would feel sour, but I held back my tears. I didn't expect that I couldn't hold back when I was alone in the car. Thinking about the past two years, why did the person I used to chat with every day suddenly become indifferent? It feels like being a tool for two years, maybe as my dad said, I put too much emphasis on certain emotions. I poured too much of my happiness into one person, and suddenly not contacting me makes me unhappy. I just didn't expect why people can change so quickly, why I can be easily replaced. These past two months have been difficult for me at times. When I think about it while playing basketball, I become negative in the game. When I think about it while eating, I suddenly lose my appetite. When I think about it before going to bed, I toss and turn and can't sleep. But I believe time will help me overcome these feelings. After all, after deleting her as a friend, I was still uncomfortable for the first few days, but now it's been almost two weeks and I'm used to it. I guess she doesn't care either. What I don't understand is why she still called my mom after deleting her, is it necessary? She even said she didn't want to lose me as her younger brother. Why can people be so greedy? If I were still working hard for the postgraduate entrance examination, my mentality might have already collapsed. In the final analysis, I still took her too seriously, and my attachment to my family was too strong. It's clearly impossible, and I should have figured it out decisively a long time ago. I was just too greedy. I hope I can quickly integrate into the new environment, make new friends, and let the past be the past. Maybe I can't forget her because too many things have become a part of me, but I will try not to think about the past. I wonder if they will feel awkward when they see me playing basketball at home in the future. Anyway, I don't care. After all, I'm used to it. Some social interactions should end sooner. Why be a bootlicker? Just like some people who lick their counselors, although there are benefits, why should I do something I don't like? Maybe some of my thoughts are still too young.
Life#
Life still needs to be lived. I can't become a dead person just because of some broken emotions. I hope I can get over it quickly. I can still endure loneliness. The next few months are crucial. It's my last chance as a fresh graduate, and I hope to strive for a better platform. Finally, I hope my health can recover as soon as possible.